First step’s completed! Scary!! It was strange too. After I made up my mind to step down and told them, then suddenly some ‘truths’ came poring out. Hidden ‘truths’ that I thought I was being paranoid about. It felt like I was in a confessional and was saying, “Dude, I don’t want to hear that.” It seems –always follow your gut- that I was starting to be used as a scapegoat, and anything new that came on, they put it on me because they didn’t want to do the work themselves. Amazing!! Son-of-a… Since the first part’s completed, now I will begin the next part of my journey to ‘freedom’ and ‘happiness’.
I could always write, have been writing more since I began this blog. It’s like the writing monster in me that I have been denying food for so long is awake and happy. LOL. Anyway, I never thought that I would have to go back to school since I finished college. But, I’m going back to get a certificate in something that I will not reveal till I get that certificate, and ‘new job’. I don’t want to jinx it. Let me back up.
I was soooo nervous to step down. But I was given the courage, somehow, to do so yesterday. Where the heck did it come from? After a year in that hellish position, where did I finally get the… I know! No! I don’t want to know. But, for the sake of this blog, I think that everything began to lineup for that moment yesterday. That’s as far as I’m going with that right now. The tyrant just got too tyranty I guess. And I wanted, needed and finally had to break free from the first level of their control. God’s doing the rest, or maybe all of it. LOL. It’s true.
What I learned is this; no one can control you unless you allow them. That there’s always a door to another door to another door that leads you farther away from the tyrants without them realizing you are going farther away from them. Very important. Tyrants need that control, and will start worrying if they see one of their slaves going farther from their grip. LOL. But, you can. If only I could tell you more about this. But I will say that this month I was given an opportunity to speak to another about my yearning for freedom, and he allowed me to step down without me having to go to the lead tyrant himself. Through all of this, it makes me wonder ‘how the heck did I get here in the first place?’ The answer is simple. Bad people. It’s unfortunate too, because I would have taken that company to a higher level, along with other good people who know that company through years of learning. Isn’t that sad? All because of tyrants, bad people and leaders who ironically don’t know a lot about the company, but only know a few things that they have to know as a boss.
I try not to feel pride. But, I am proud of myself for not changing for them. They wanted me to be mean, told me so too. They wanted me to fire people left and right for dumb reasons when I would tell them, “No!” Rather than firing them, I would talk to the workers and train them so they wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. But them, no, they wanted to abuse their power over and over again, fire people left and right just because they could. Within this year –without putting a spotlight over myself- I saved about 15 jobs! I’ll only admit that here. One guy, saving that many; good people too.
I wouldn’t change for them. That’s what I’m proud of. I did it!! I went into hell, was tempted, and came out the same good person I was when entering. Yet now I’m stronger than ever, a better leader, and more secured in knowing that a higher force has to –is- watching over us. I can even feel the weight lifting off of my back and shoulders, literally.
What’s the moral of this short and quick post? Hmmm. Follow your gut. There are always doors to lead you out of your negative situation, but sometimes you have to look for them, or, sometimes they will present themselves to you; so take it. It took me almost a year to see that door before me. But always have hope that it’s there. It has to be, that’s why nothing’s forever. DON’T question why you’re in the situation you’re in, but rather what you’ve learned after you are out of it. What you’ve learned is the reason why you were put into it in the first place! The answer comes while the question is created. But the answer isn’t important. The question is. And you’ll receive the answer after you are out of that situation. This makes sense to me. Take care.