Saying, “I am happy” while mixing “I want to be happy” on and off works! The Prozac seems to help somewhat, but that chant of words is a breakthrough for me. The “I am” really punched the crap out of outside demons.
The “I am” placed a protective shield around me that bounced off anything negative, and believe me, they were trying to penetrate it. Example:
Yesterday at work was complete hell!!! But I still chanted and still maintained joy. Then, toward the end of the shift, I was actually confronted by other workers saying complaints to me from other shifts. Never happened before. I still maintained the chant, so I guess the negative demons tried jumping in my boss, and then she confronted me, and she too turned into a negative force and tried to upset me by turning something small and hypocritical into something huge. Never happened before. That caused a tiny bit of sadness, but the joy was still maintained.
And now, I feel happy. Oh, and I also chanted “I am filled with joy.” Yesterday proved to me that there might be intelligent, negative things out there that try and keep someone in a state of sadness or worry. And it pisses them off if you beat them at their own game. Even at night when I was about to go to bed, I heard noises in my hallway and bedroom that at first scared me, but I still chanted, and went to sleep happy. Hmm.
Maybe that’s the key. All the books I read about the law off attraction and more, always added to say, “I want”, instead of “I need.” Or “I desire” instead of “I need.” One book actually said the “I am” but it was very short and they ruined it because they went on afterward on how it’s like lying to yourself. No, it’s not!!
When I said, “I am”, it showed its power to me rather quickly. I got the idea a little bit from the story of how God said, “I am what I am.”
“I am happy because I choose to be.”
I know it’s not from the Prozac either because I’ve been on that stuff for a few years for panic attacks.
Maybe we’re on to something here. We are on to something here!! Something great and wonderful, something that instead of saying, “I hope it maintains forever, “I’ll say, “It will maintain forever, because I choose it to be.” Baby steps. It’s like I’m slowly remembering what it was like to be happy when I was a child. Carefree, no worries, waiting for the sun to rise, etc.
What the moral here? I’m not ready to say the moral because it’s too soon. Yet, a tiny bit of the moral is choose to be happy and chant it, no matter what negative forces try to break that mentality. I just hope it will build and build till I’m not afraid anymore of quitting that job from hell. But that’s another story.