Today’s the day I go into my work and tell them I want to Step Down from my management role. They already are aware of my contemplations, and said whatever decision I make, they will give me a fulltime position anywhere. I don’t care where I go in that company, just as long as I’m away from that ridiculous, and unnecessary stress that has taken over me to the point of pondering over that place even on my days off. LOL. Enough. I’m a good person, and they want to change me to being a mean person. They said so. I will not change. I pray that everything goes well today. All this talk and debate about happiness, your true self; it would make me a hypocrite to stay in that position I loath so much. I’m following my heightened instincts. It feels right. Why would anyone chase down and stay in a position where they are unhappy, and they know that it’s not normal that they aren’t moving up yet, is beyond me. It’s beyond me now, because I used to be that person, but now I am not. Freedom. Writing. Helping. Those are some of the things I covet. And this position, well, it’s just been numbing those true feelings of happiness. Maybe on purpose. Maybe we find things to numb our happiness’s, cause we are too afraid to face them, too afraid that once we reach them, we’ll fail at it somehow. It’s always nice to put hope on the backburner, but how long should it sit there till all the water has evaporated and the pot is starting to burn?
Power is something I never abused. It’s sad. I see so many in the position of power, and they hate it, but they stay in it just to have the powerful title. Why? Life passes them by as they endure life each day, misery always lurking behind their eyes, and after the workdays done; they go home and hope that a spark of happiness will show itself. It does, but just until they shut their eyes and go to sleep, too tired to find out where that hopeful feeling wants to take them. And they wake, and endure the misery of their job again.
Yes the ones that like power, at least the ones I saw in my life, abuse it. Not liking it equals ‘stress’. Abusing it equals ‘non-stress’ I guess. Is there no in between? I haven’t seen it yet.
So today I will end that endless cycle of stress and step down from it. This way I can have time to look for another job, dream bigger and help others more so. I’m scared though. LOL. I am. I didn’t fail at it; rather I’m simply changing directions in my life. But I’m still scared, nervous that the grips of demons will still try and keep me there. They won’t. Why? I won’t allow them. That’s the spirit in me talking. The human in me, well, that’s the one who’s panicking. Wish me luck, friends.