The Tyrant Countdown Part 2 – The Escape From The First Grip

ImageFirst step’s completed! Scary!! It was strange too. After I made up my mind to step down and told them, then suddenly some ‘truths’ came poring out. Hidden ‘truths’ that I thought I was being paranoid about. It felt like I was in a confessional and was saying, “Dude, I don’t want to hear that.”  It seems –always follow your gut- that I was starting to be used as a scapegoat, and anything new that came on, they put it on me because they didn’t want to do the work themselves. Amazing!! Son-of-a… Since the first part’s completed, now I will begin the next part of my journey to ‘freedom’ and ‘happiness’.

I could always write, have been writing more since I began this blog. It’s like the writing monster in me that I have been denying food for so long is awake and happy. LOL. Anyway, I never thought that I would have to go back to school since I finished college. But, I’m going back to get a certificate in something that I will not reveal till I get that certificate, and ‘new job’. I don’t want to jinx it. Let me back up.

I was soooo nervous to step down. But I was given the courage, somehow, to do so yesterday. Where the heck did it come from? After a year in that hellish position, where did I finally get the… I know! No! I don’t want to know. But, for the sake of this blog, I think that everything began to lineup for that moment yesterday. That’s as far as I’m going with that right now. The tyrant just got too tyranty I guess. And I wanted, needed and finally had to break free from the first level of their control. God’s doing the rest, or maybe all of it. LOL. It’s true.

ImageWhat I learned is this; no one can control you unless you allow them. That there’s always a door to another door to another door that leads you farther away from the tyrants without them realizing you are going farther away from them. Very important. Tyrants need that control, and will start worrying if they see one of their slaves going farther from their grip. LOL. But, you can. If only I could tell you more about this. But I will say that this month I was given an opportunity to speak to another about my yearning for freedom, and he allowed me to step down without me having to go to the lead tyrant himself. Through all of this, it makes me wonder ‘how the heck did I get here in the first place?’ The answer is simple. Bad people. It’s unfortunate too, because I would have taken that company to a higher level, along with other good people who know that company through years of learning. Isn’t that sad? All because of tyrants, bad people and leaders who ironically don’t know a lot about the company, but only know a few things that they have to know as a boss.

I try not to feel pride. But, I am proud of myself for not changing for them. They wanted me to be mean, told me so too. They wanted me to fire people left and right for dumb reasons when I would tell them, “No!” Rather than firing them, I would talk to the workers and train them so they wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. But them, no, they wanted to abuse their power over and over again, fire people left and right just because they could. Within this year –without putting a spotlight over myself- I saved about 15 jobs! I’ll only admit that here. One guy, saving that many; good people too.

I wouldn’t change for them. That’s what I’m proud of. I did it!! I went into hell, was tempted, and came out the same good person I was when entering. Yet now I’m stronger than ever, a better leader, and more secured in knowing that a higher force has to –is- watching over us. I can even feel the weight lifting off of my back and shoulders, literally.

What’s the moral of this short and quick post? Hmmm. Follow your gut. There are always doors to lead you out of your negative situation, but sometimes you have to look for them, or, sometimes they will present themselves to you; so take it. It took me almost a year to see that door before me. But always have hope that it’s there. It has to be, that’s why nothing’s forever. DON’T question why you’re in the situation you’re in, but rather what you’ve learned after you are out of it. What you’ve learned is the reason why you were put into it in the first place! The answer comes while the question is created. But the answer isn’t important. The question is. And you’ll receive the answer after you are out of that situation. This makes sense to me. Take care.

The First Step – Clear Away The Stress – Baby Steps

ImageToday’s the day I go into my work and tell them I want to Step Down from my management role. They already are aware of my contemplations, and said whatever decision I make, they will give me a fulltime position anywhere. I don’t care where I go in that company, just as long as I’m away from that ridiculous, and unnecessary stress that has taken over me to the point of pondering over that place even on my days off. LOL. Enough. I’m a good person, and they want to change me to being a mean person. They said so. I will not change. I pray that everything goes well today. All this talk and debate about happiness, your true self; it would make me a hypocrite to stay in that position I loath so much. I’m following my heightened instincts. It feels right. Why would anyone chase down and stay in a position where they are unhappy, and they know that it’s not normal that they aren’t moving up yet, is beyond me. It’s beyond me now, because I used to be that person, but now I am not. Freedom. Writing. Helping. Those are some of the things I covet. And this position, well, it’s just been numbing those true feelings of happiness. Maybe on purpose. Maybe we find things to numb our happiness’s, cause we are too afraid to face them, too afraid that once we reach them, we’ll fail at it somehow. It’s always nice to put hope on the backburner, but how long should it sit there till all the water has evaporated and the pot is starting to burn?

Power is something I never abused. It’s sad. I see so many in the position of power, and they hate it, but they stay in it just to have the powerful title. Why? Life passes them by as they endure life each day, misery always lurking behind their eyes, and after the workdays done; they go home and hope that a spark of happiness will show itself. It does, but just until they shut their eyes and go to sleep, too tired to find out where that hopeful feeling wants to take them. And they wake, and endure the misery of their job again.

Yes the ones that like power, at least the ones I saw in my life, abuse it. Not liking it equals ‘stress’. Abusing it equals ‘non-stress’ I guess. Is there no in between? I haven’t seen it yet.

So today I will end that endless cycle of stress and step down from it. This way I can have time to look for another job, dream bigger and help others more so. I’m scared though. LOL. I am. I didn’t fail at it; rather I’m simply changing directions in my life. But I’m still scared, nervous that the grips of demons will still try and keep me there. They won’t. Why? I won’t allow them. That’s the spirit in me talking. The human in me, well, that’s the one who’s panicking. Wish me luck, friends.

Bible Urge – Part 3 – God Giveth, God Taketh

Seth was the other son that Adam created. After the generations began, that stemmed from Adam and Eve that stemmed from Seth who created his son ‘Enos’ –the list goes on and on- men lived far past the age we are used to seeing. With the grace or rather ‘power’ of God, according to Genesis, he allowed men, I don’t know about women, but men to live for about 800 years!!! If I read correctly – didn’t Google to avoid confusion- they would wait, some till their 60’s, others till they were in their 100’s, to create children. LOL. Lucky guys! I mean think about it, no pressure at all, enjoy life and then say, “Oh, I think it’s time to create children.”

In the reality of the species multiplying, this makes sense, looking outside the box. Remember, don’t think too hard about this, the tree of knowledge and the apple is just tempting me, you to look deeper. Don’t. Not yet. No retrospective either because this is the farthest back we go. Back to the paragraph. This way, it allowed them to create children over and over, and over and over again. But then, something happened. Oh, yes! Something always happens, even the here and now, that matches the past, the start and beginning. I don’t know that connection fully yet, it’s just a feeling. Anyway, something happened in the eyes of God.

After men saw that the daughters were –let’s say ‘pretty’ I guess –lol- they took them as wives. And suddenly God told them that His spirit couldn’t always strive with men and allow their ages to reach this unusual height. So, he told them that he’s changing their age limit to 120 years old. That’s the limit, because they are of God but also of the flesh, meaning humans. It makes sense for what happened next. A person living 800 years gives them enough time to learn of the goodness of God, keep it and teach it to others. But 120 years, well you either sink or swim, you either sin, quickly repent, or sin and after years and years of sinning, before you can change your mind, you’re dead. LOL.

Anyway, so God saw that the land suddenly was filled with evil. They were doing, thinking evil things, evil was in the air and it made God –I guess- ashamed because he created this species who are now doing everything that God did not want them to do. Man, it’s as if the stories, that were past on from Adam and Eve about the Garden, God himself, were somehow lost in the bedtime stories, the true essence of where they came from just ‘vanished’ to many. Funny, like now. At least we have this ‘bible’ to read from and learn from. They didn’t have anything except the stories they suddenly chose to ignore. Their freewill chose poorly.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. After he changed the age limit, it states that there were giants in the earth.

“There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.”

It –without looking deep- does make sense a little. In the start of any invention, from an inventor’s point of view, he has a vision that includes experimenting, even with sizes till he gets it just right.

So they began sinning, evil filled them, and God said –threatened- that he would destroy them, even the beasts, etc. Yet, like with all great stories, something caught the eyes of God. And that was Noah.

We learn now of the generations of Noah. You see, according to the writings, Noah was perfect in every way, and his generations were perfect. I guess that means they were not deformed from close breeding, but most importantly, they truly believed in God in every way. At least Noah did. Noah was perfect on the outside and the inside. He had three sons, perfect in Noah’s likeness, so God had a plan. We all know what that is. He told him to build an ark, so he could wipe all the sin from the earth while Noah and his family were safe. He told him that he would destroy all that is ‘on’ the earth and ‘in’ the earth. Hmm. He told Noah to bring two of every kind of animal, but does not mention to him to bring the ‘beasts’ of the land. Anyway, so Noah, his wife, the three sons and their wives, went aboard the ark.

It’s amazing to me what history was lost before the flood. There was no room for the giants, so they were screwed. No room for extremely large animals, larger than elephants, so they were screwed. All because they chose sin over good. So many generations lost. So many secrets, answers to riddles, teachings from the wise, lost as the flood swept them away. But I guess God had to do it. Why? Because many of us think about it even today.

We sometimes look around, see the evil, and wonder how we wish it could all vanish. We sometimes desire that evil penetrating so many, would just leave so we can begin fresh with only the good people to surround us. Impossible I know. But, at least at one time we thought that. And that thought could have come on by simply seeing a rude person in a supermarket. We wonder, “Where did that rudeness come from?”

As I look deeper in the story, I now understand why we are lucky to be on this land, alive still, able to –let me think- change our ways if we think they are of evil or of wrong.  We have that chance!!! They did not. We have to make our ‘inventor’ proud of his inventions. Why? Lol. Cause he can easily unplug us.

I found myself attempting to eat that metaphoric apple after every verse I read. But I denied it when I realized I was looking too deep into this. Somehow, even on the comfort of my balcony, that snake was trying to feed me that darn apple. This story –in every way- is a glimpse outside of the box for which we live in. That’s it. We are enclosed –by our own choice and the choices of others- in our own boxes that when showed a vision or chapter of a world that existed outside this box, we automatically –it seems- laugh at it, after we eat from the tree of knowledge. One of my attempts to question after I at least took a taste of the apple, was why a flood? Why didn’t God just simply unplug them all? Luckily I received my answer quickly. It was to make a STATEMENT! He knew, oh he knew this event would be remembered, would make its way into this good book and he wanted it to be used as a warning. As a writer, I know about foreshadows, where to put them, and what things are not important and to simply leave them out of a fictional story. Crying out loud, I’ve had 20 years to learn that. So this was placed here for a powerful reason to show how only a few members of our generation were saved. The rest had perished. The last part I read was after Noah and his family and all the animals entered the ark.

Moral? Freewill is everywhere. Choices we make today will have repercussions tomorrow. Who began that sin that spread to all? It had to be one, that one person who abused their freewill, sinned and was seen doing this by others, causing them to say, “Well, if he could do that, so can I.” God was more concerned with that more so than the way people looked on the outside. Because it was the inside and how they chose evil that opened his eyes in anger. Beauty truly is on the inside! No matter who you are, what you are, as long as you’re beautiful within, choosing to be good, not giving into wickedness that stemmed from Cain, not giving into that evil temptation that pushes you by making you feel ashamed after you did that action, saying that hurtful name, etc., God sees you as he saw Noah…perfect! That’s what I took from this story of generation thus far. God only saved the good, not like with the Titanic where only the rich were able to survive. No! He saved the good. Maybe, just like I will, after you finish this article, you can go outside and look at the clouds. Corny!! But true. And say to the skies, “Thank you.” Maybe we might be surprise what will happen to us next.

To finish, as I read deeper I’m starting to see correlations in the todays, seeing people as if it was before the flood. Weird. I see Cain’s and Abel’s, now I’m seeing Seth’s and Noah’s, and the wickeds, even pondering over seeing what God may have referred to as the beasts; dinosaurs. Oh yes I went there! LOL. Anything’s possible. I made it a rule before I started this blog to stop listening to others confuse my life by writing books about how to live it while making money in the meantime. How convenient. That’s one of the reasons for my ‘bible urge’. It was written in the far past –positive- it’s simple and to the point –positive- and most importantly, it speaks about our inventor, our creator, our reason why our hearts are beating without them being plugged into anything, our reasons why people choose between good and evil, and where we stemmed from. I’m not a preacher, but rather a student. I am happy to have had a glimpse of the reality of the past, true or metaphoric if you believe, which seemed to have been outside the box. Very outside. Until the next chapter, take care, or maybe to be more in connection with the topic, God bless.

Writers Rules – Learned From Time, Not Money-Making Books

ImageI’ve been trying to push through these past few days, attempting in any way or form to think positive thoughts, even catching myself off guard when the evil tries to take the happiness away. It’s strange how time passes and though the outside may change suddenly, the inside and everything around changes drastically. It’s as if the time that is shown on our faces is due to the time shown on the places around us, as well as the demons we fight inside ourselves. Sometimes there are new enemies around the corner, and other times there are new destinies around the next, waiting for us to see them, grasp them, without us passing them by.

LOL. Everyone blames the other. It’s true. And recently, with the old/new Law of Attraction want-ta-be religion, it states that it’s our fault for the positions we are in! We got there by thoughts! Or, somebody’s bad thoughts were flying around and we took them in without placing a shield around us to bounce their bad thoughts off of us. Say what? The answer always is, “You thought it, so you’re in it.” And I want to say, “If you say that again, stare at my fists and remember them very well.” And I’m not ever a violent person. But hearing them tell us it’s our fault, that’s just going too far.

I want to escape. That’s my present ‘want’. Escape my slave job, escape the worry. It’s working so far; at least I think I’m on the right track. “They” want me to write… again. I’m not going to explain who ‘they’ are. I didn’t tell ‘them’ about my new blog, or the fact that I’m lost and am trying to get found, which I think is working. I didn’t tell ‘them’ that I already have a third manuscript ready that has been collecting dust for the past 10 years. LOL. Maybe by my fifth manuscript I’ll show them the third. LOL. My writing used to be for…for me.

ImageMe!! It used to be my escape. It was luck or a blessing that I happened to be good at it. Oh, I’m so not ready to talk about this yet. Just like the tree of knowledge, don’t get too close to your muse! Don’t find out how your process of writing works!! Don’t have a teacher analyze your writing and tell you what genre she thinks you write for! Don’t allow anyone to ever change your stories!! Why? Because slowly you’ll stop writing for yourself, and begin writing for them! You’ll start losing your ‘writers voice’. Your passion. Books will start looking like assigned essays. Poetry will start lining up like screenplays. And your voice, oh your beautiful, unique voice will start sounding like everyone else’s. That’s what I fought against. That’s one of the reasons why I’m here. To fight for that voice, remember it, keep it, protect it, and never let anyone, including editors, want-ta-be producers, Spielberg want-ta-be directors –oh so many- tainted teachers who got screwed over in the industry and are now passing on their bitterness to their students –Uhh- and many, many more, ever take that from me again!!!

ImageAll you say to them, if they do, is, “Okay, then you write it. Cause I thought you wanted me to write, but obviously you want me to change, and I won’t.” Please, fight and stand by your convictions, ideas and don’t let anyone tell you differently. For crying out loud, when Hollywood read Star Wars for the first time, they turned it down!!!! Don’t let anyone ever prevent you from telling a story that only you can tell. You were chosen to write that story, so write it, and block out any jerk that tries to tell you, “Well, I like this but I have this idea!!” NO! NO! NO! I don’t care about your ideas, dude! If you have ideas, then by all means, I guess you should write it.

Image“But I don’t know how to write.”

“Then shut up, keep your ideas to yourself and let me be the writer!”

The only way, I discovered, to truly tell your chosen story is to write that book. Even a short story will do. If it’s your voice, then it was meant to be. Listen, I have written since 12 years old. I’m a freak. And writers block is due to one thing and one thing only; “Others!!!!!!!”

Writers. I consider all writers by brothers and sisters. Just try going to film school, you’ll see. We are a different species. I don’t know why. We… or our minds never lost that imagination. Rather it grew with us as our mind changed –every seven years it changes I think- and we just put together words to describe what are minds see that so many covet.

ImageThrough my anger and what I have gone through, I have created rules or “LAWS” To follow if you yearn to be a free spirited writer and avoid anyone trying to taint it. “Rebuke them!!” I had to write these laws, because I know there’s someone out there, like me, like I was years ago that are confused about what roads of a writer they should take. As a young writer still, but have written a lot and seen many sides of others who don’t write but yearn for you to write for them, here are the laws, my friends. I created them by tossing out every writer’s book from my mind. You know, the ones that sell the book that tell you how they write and how it’s successful, when al l along they forgot that just because their process works for them, it may not work for others because everyone’s different! LOL. I fought with a few producers over a few of these laws –during the fight they were simply my beliefs- and inevitably won the arguments. Why? Cause of time. Time was and still is my teacher. And, I’m telling you this all for free.

ImageRule One– Write for you and only you. Then find that theme to help others. It’ll come naturally, whether it be solely for entertainment or you are trying to convey a message. That’s why –to avoid confusion or getting to close to your muse- darnett, write for you and only you. The overall theme of the story is something you find in the very start. Helping others ‘theme’ it will come.

Rule Two – Never put money first. Never try and write that next bestseller because you see a genre is suddenly selling well. That’s not your voice. Put the writing first, always.

ImageRule Three – Never think about getting agents first or what they would want to read. Just write and then when you’re finished, write a letter to an agent. But never put them first. They want to represent you for YOUR VOICE, and THEY can tell if you are passionate about your story. Just like the chicken and egg. Write first, agents next, if you choose.

Rule Four – If someone tries to change your story just so their voice can be heard, run the heck away. If someone tries to give you ideas for a story you already wrote, run the heck away. If you are being paid to collaborate, then fine!! But… just because they give ideas, doesn’t mean you have to say, “Okay.” If you don’t like the idea, then simply say, “I don’t feel comfortable with that idea.” This will prevent you from falling away from your writing. Just believe me!! And, it goes against Rule One.

Rule Five – Write, write, write. Perfect your craft. Never be arrogant about it, never think that you’re the greatest in the world, but rather that your unique voice is the greatest. Why? Cause it’s your voice!!! There’s no other voice that duplicates your voice.

Rule Six – Love you’re writing. I don’t care if it’s the same story that was written by others over and over again. If you love that idea you have, then write it. It will be unique. If it’s about a superhero, then write it, because that’s what your muse brought to you. If it’s about the –sorry to say- played out vampire stories, then write it, please!! Cause I want to see your take on that genre. If it’s about a simple situation, then write it, and you’ll see how your brilliant mind and craft will take the simple situation and turn it into a book of wonder.

Rule Seven – NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF. Oh, God, this one’s important. Never ask if you think others will want to read this story. If you do, then you’ll never write, because you’ll be always chasing after that unique idea that others will want to read, and you’ll be going against ‘Rule One”.

Rule Eight– The reason why famous authors are famous, and famous directors are famous is not only because they are good, but because they wrote for themselves. Because they directed a movie was because they loved the idea and script.

ImageRule Nine – Oh, so many don’t follow this one. But I do, have since the start. NEVER write for the soul purpose of being famous. You can wish and pray for that, but never put fame before your craft. Please!!! So many of my friends in the industry are separated by this. The ones that yearn for fame before their craft, be it producing, directing or writing, are still assistants. And the ones that put their craft before fame –thank God- are now successful and have assistants getting them coffee.

Rule Ten – Never let anyone discourage you if they don’t like your story. Just keep on writing new ones. Just because one doesn’t like it, doesn’t mean it won’t relate to others. That one jerk doesn’t represent the world!

Rule Eleven – You can write anywhere!!! Remember that! If your story is great, and destiny is knocking on your door, then others will find your story and you. Which brings us to 12.

Rule Twelve – NEVER define success as being famous. Never define you being a successful writer as being famous, winning, awards, getting millions, etc. Define your writing success every time you finish a story. Once you write ‘the end’, that is a very successful accomplishment. LOL, if I had followed this one, I would have written 20 books by now.

Rule Thirteen– There is no such thing as a writer who is greater than another writer. Period. It’s funny, I’m reading the bible still as a challenge and now I know where Shakespeare got his motivation to write the way he did. But that’s another story.

Rule Fourteen– Always have ‘love in your stories. That’s it. Meaning, love for a person, an object, some love, anything. It’s relatable. Don’t worry, your muse will make sure of this. I can use examples, but on to fifteen.

Rule Fifteen – If you are ever discouraged about your ideas, scripts, books, then close your eyes and think about ANY book or movie that is famous, that was so simple in idea that you still scratch your head over it. If they can do it, so can you. It is the law.

Rule Sixteen – Please, toy with opposites. Opposites create conflict. But, continue to write your story, and if you feel that toying with opposites by actually premeditating them for your story will cause writers block, then don’t worry. This is another thing that your muse is good at. Not all the time though. For instance, in a love story, make it hard for them to like each other. If you make it easy, well, that’s what those dirty films are about. Make it difficult, and watch the conflict poor out! But like in rule one, put your voice first.

Rule Seventeen – Learn three-act structure. And after you’ve learned it, forget about it, put it on the backburner and don’t obsess about it. Your mind will only use it when needed. Believe me. Three-act structure is important because this way you won’t get lost in your own story, for instance. It makes… your life easier. And once you learn it, you can play with it. Yes. You can flip it, extend it, do anything you want with it!

No more rules today. I have so many, but that’s enough for now. Onto the moral. What is the moral? Be you. Be that writer you are, not that writer that others want you to be, or that writer others want you to be temporarily so they can use you, and in turn, a crappy story is created with your name on it! Be that writers that loves writing, loves getting lost in your story, in a good way. Don’t be that writer that stops writing because you are thinking about what genre to write about, what the agents want, what Hollywood wants, what amount of pages you think is acceptable; just be that writer who starts and finishes ‘your’ story. And watch that writer’s block fade away.

I mean, you have to ask yourself one question, when it all comes down to it. Why do you love writing? And extend that one question to, “How did I feel when I completed my first story?” And answer: “I want to feel that again.” Why? Because you felt ‘alive’ and ‘happy’ after you completed that first story.

ImageMy friends… just write.

Bible Urge – Part 2 – The Paths That Seperate Us

ImageCane killed Abel!!! That’s what I just read. He killed him out of jealousy and lied to God when asked about his whereabouts. Cain said, “I’m not my brothers keeper.” What happened? Cain offered God his fruit ‘leftovers’ while Abel offered God his best offerings. What a coward. Yet, people do it in this day and age still.

YES. They –some- first take care of themselves, make sure to eat or buy the best, and then after their thirst has been quenched, then they think of others and offer an offering to them, not thinking that anyone will notice. Or, better yet, they go to church and thank God when something wonderful happens to them, instead of praying or visiting God even at the worst and best of times simultaneously. But God knows. He knew Cain was offering him leftovers from the crops he grew, or not the best, and he knew that Abel was offering him his best of his heard. Abel put God first, and thought about himself second. Funny how we do that today.

It reminds me that in this day and age, we are not too far away from that beginning. Cain’s are still killing Abel’s in the here and now. And, if you want to go deep, just as God gave everything to Adam before he ate the apple, we are living in the day and age where we have everything at our fingertips as well. Funny. The Garden of Eden has found its way back to us. Technology is everywhere. We, as a society –it’s not bad either- have made it so that we get instant gratification, just as Adam was able to get instant food, beauty, life in general. Yet… what is our version of the tree of knowledge today? Have we eaten the apple again? No, not yet, at least not to my ‘knowledge’.

Quick note. Nice things are starting to occur in my life ever since I opened the good book that so many others preached about over the years. I don’t know what it is. It’s like there’s magic to the bible, a power that your spirit sees, remembers and acts upon. I don’t know if the spirit tells God, “Yes, he finally opened the book, and guess what? He’s reading it!!”

Back to the story. So, Abel was the very first death in this life and at the same time, the very first MURDER VICTIM. And Cain was the very first murderer, the first to sin out of evil. Strange. These two boys began a trail of good and evil that has circled through to the here and now. Cain’s punishment was to wander the earth, leave his parents, leading a life of an ‘exile’, but was given some mark by God when he cried out for God’s mercy.  So, his punishment was… to live, to live while begging for God’s mercy. Hmm. So…

By freewill, they created two paths that we follow to this day. The path of Cain –a very lonely and bad path– and the path of Abel –a good path- that sometimes seems hard, a path that sometimes ‘bad things happen to good people’ kind of thing. But regardless, a path that pleases God, your God, a path that pleases you, your spirit, soul. It is a path of good. The ‘roads’ of good and evil were created on that day of Abel’s murder. Roads that have made their way to the here and now! Wow!

So, whenever you feel that your life sucks, just retrace your steps and see if you did everything right, everything good and righteous. And after –I guess –if you added up everything and it points to the road of Abel, then don’t worry, you’ll be fine. God will make sure of it. But……… if you added things up and you have somehow detoured to the path of Cain, just back up and start thinking again. What I got from this chapter was this. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, famous or an ogre. The easy roads are always the Cain’s. He was jealous, so he killed. That’s easy. Just like people in this day. People who use, or are gold diggers, or share another’s bed over and over again to get that raise, or crush souls to get to the top, those are the roads of Cain. Example of an actor doing very bad things with someone powerful in the industry to get a part in a movie, verses an actor just working hard for the part by perfecting their craft and not getting the part. Cain’s and Abel’s. A worker lying to his boss about his co-worker just to get that promotion; Cain’s and Abel’s. LOL. They aren’t getting away with anything. Why? Cause idiot Cain thought that God didn’t know of his crimes. LOL. Wow! I mean, I’ve heard of liars and cheats and thieves and sinners lying to keep face, but when you have the audacity to lie to God, then something is seriously wrong with your brain.

Success to them, at that moment, was to please God with their offerings. But how they did it automatically separated them. So, the next time you win the lottery, give to a charity first, and then please yourself.

The end of the chapter showed how Cain had children, not so sure about Abel though; I think not I know, I know what you are thinking. But if you have to create civilization I guess, you have to go to extremes, I guess. Perhaps Adam and Eve lived for hundreds and hundreds of years. It is possible, especially when God personally creates you from the dirt. Don’t judge the past. Just because it may seem impossible in these days doesn’t mean the possible was taken out from time long ago.

Moral? Geez. Choose the path of Abel. Work wise, you can choose the path of either boys. But freewill, always think, “What would Abel do?” What I have learned thus far from this chapter of Genesis; Yep… I’m an Abel. It sucks at times, but that’s who I am. I have had Cain thoughts, not urges, but thoughts of ‘what if’, the type where I know if I do this, it would be a very big shortcut to the path I wanted, but it would be sinful. So I look away. Through all of this, I still have sympathy for Cain. What was he thinking? And poor Abel. My Gosh, the guy was trying to do everything right, good, and his life was taken because of it by another observer who saw him as a ‘kiss a…” But he wasn’t. He was naturally good.

So no matter how bad things are, good things are, thank God during everything. Man… I sound like a preacher. LOL. This I am not. I am an observer, trying to find truth, searching for sanity, putting together puzzle pieces of my righteous life and trying to answer the question, “I’m a good person, so why has so many bad things happened to me,” without feeling sorry for myself. 

I look up to Abel. I mean, I look up to God too, but no one will ever be as perfect as God, cause he invented us. It’s like saying that the invention looks up to the inventor, when the invention should not only look up to the inventor, but other good inventions that the inventor created. Does that make sense? Even in heaven, God will still be more perfect than us.

To end this post, I wanted to give thanks to all the Abel’s out there. You are wiser than most. Thank you for choosing the good path; because you make others happy, their lives are filled with your kindness, somehow. We can feel it in the air. And to those that chose the path of Cain, or close to it –without me preaching- I don’t know how you can get back on the path of Abel. Maybe, just maybe, you can simply ask God for that path. Maybe it’s that simple, maybe not. Only you know that answer. Change your ways, and your fate will change with it. But I’m not a preacher. No, I’m just quenching my ‘bible urge’. Take care, Abel’s….

Bible Urge – Long Overdue

ImageI never read the bible before. Funny. This past year, something ‘wanted’ or ‘needed’ me to read it. It was a force. No, it was an urge. Like fishing I guess. You learn about fishing your whole life, but never take the time to actually go to the pond. Then you go to the pond, and sit and stare at the water, never actually casting out your reel. Why? Maybe you know that the fish aren’t biting. Maybe other people told you they weren’t and you tell yourself, “This is a waste of time, they already told me they weren’t biting today.” So why would a fish bite on your bait? And after years and years of going to the big pond and hearing that the fish weren’t biting –over and over- you finally ignore them and cast out your line.

Well… after years, I’ve finally casted out my reel into the big pond! And around the 3rd chapter of Genesis, I got a bite!!

Many of the things I learned thus far in these few chapters connected to my instincts I already had in me, but just learned to numb over the years because OTHERS told me they were wrong, or they were ‘not politically correct’, a phrase I believe was invented by the devil. LOL.

For instance, I always wondered why it was easy to leave my mother and father when I found my future wife. I love my parents so much, and always feared leaving them or them leaving me. But when you find your mate, as God said, -paraphrasing- he made it so that it would be easy for the man to leave his parents. And when you marry, you attach to your wife, and become one flesh. Wow! As if the rib that was taken is given back to you. You are complete…. And I always felt bad or sad to have lost that urge of being attached to my parents like I was. It’s…God’s will.

Oh, man, I’m sounding like a religious guru. Listen, I’m anything but that. I love God, Jesus, and everyone, but I don’t preach it to others, and this short post is not about that. I guess it’s about ‘connecting’ to something that I used to be ‘connected’ to years ago, maybe even before I was born. Intense, I know.

And I always wondered why I had this instinctively, yet annoying urge to work!! I hate working, but something inside of me, deep, deep, deep inside of me finds it passionate. Even rich men work, but it’s the type of work that separates them. Adam and Eve’s children. Cain and Abel.

ImageCain tilled the land. And Abel tended to the sheep; his flock. My theory or what it connects with: So, you have blue collars; the Cain’s of the world working their hardest for the land. And… you have the White collars: the Abel’s of the world working to tend to the sheep, ‘keeper of sheep’. Both are equally important. Both must work in order to – I guess- enjoy their food after a hard days work. But I have to continue reading to find out more!

ImageAnd knowledge. It does come with a price. Just because your ignorant to a hidden truth behind a truth that your were told to make life easier, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. For instance, the tree of knowledge. It’s funny. God told them not eat from it. Why shouldn’t one eat from a tree called ‘knowledge’? Right? Because, after they ate from it, their souls – I guess – were no longer innocent. God told them things, already gave them wonderful instincts to help them live a wonderful, easy life. Basically he was saying, “Okay listen, I’ll give you everything, just don’t ask me how I did it!” Why? Because he’s God. God doesn’t or didn’t expect them to see through his eyes, to think how he thought, to understand and comprehend how he did. Why? Because he’s God! It wouldn’t be fair to understand his brilliance as it wasn’t intended. Rather, seeing his brilliance and everything that it created was GOOD ENOUGH. It… didn’t cause confusion.

It’s like asking a genius to teach a non-genius how to be a genius. After he teaches, the non-genius will be even more confused! It’s like asking a cloud why, instead of how, it creates rain? “Why” and “how” are the true forms that separate life. “Why” is easy. But explaining “how”, that’s where you have to eat from the tree of knowledge and get ready for massive confusion, theories, and sadly, losing your inherited innocents of how you were meant to perceive life, not being confused by it just because another is due to them eating from the tree of knowledge are now pursuing an endless riddle that they will never, ever solve. Why won’t they solve it? DARNETT, because they weren’t meant to solve it. They weren’t meant to be a genius like God, but rather enjoy what his genius created!!

ImageThat’s not to say learning isn’t good. I’m referring to the yearning of ‘where we came from’, ‘who we are’, ‘why are we like this’, etc. We are who we are, because God is who he is. When scientists discover something new, they explain their complex knowledge of how and then follow it by why. But scientists don’t realize they are God’s cooks. Meaning, the ones who discover the recipes that God used to create things. Just because there is an explanation, doesn’t mean we have to take out the mystery and wonder of it. Yes, they uncovered what God put together to let’s say make ‘oxygen’, or ‘form a planet’, or ‘make a volcano erupt’, etc. They PUT TOGETHER God’s recipe, hence they ate from the tree of knowledge even more. It’s not a bad thing, but we just have to always include God in this newfound knowledge.

Where did we come from? God took the dust from the ground and formed man, and breathed life, a soul into its nostrils. So we came from dirt. Okay, then so be it. But evolutionists accept that dinosaurs came from oil! So, rather then me listening to humans telling me where humans came from, I’ll listen to a God telling me where humans came from! Makes sense. Because so many people are so full of sh….

Oh that reminds me. God created the ‘beasts’ of the land too. He must be referring to the dinosaurs. Why? Because there a fricken dinosaur bones in museums!! I’m choosing to read at face value, not eat from the tree of knowledge anymore because I am STUFFED. So ‘how’ he created them or ‘why’ is not important here. Eat from the tree and get lost in a web of confusion if you want. We have 100 years to live, spend it how you want. I’m just repeating what I’ve learned and got from only 3 bloody chapters so far! LOL. 3 chapters??  Amazing!!

ImageThe moral? Sometimes the answers were already answered. You just have to have faith and keep on reading. Just as long as what you are reading is of good, then nothing bad can come from it. Right? It’s funny; I was born an Abel who is living the life of a Cain. LOL. Everything happens for a reason I guess. If you don’t want to be confused, then just don’t get too close to the reason, cause then you’ll be eating from the tree of knowledge and anything can happen. But remember, you always have a choice. That is our freedom, our freewill to get answers or to recreate the questions and ignore the answers that were already given. LOL. That’s funny. Choices are everywhere. It reminds me of something recently.  Just look at Harry Potter. He had the most powerful wand in the world; the apple of the tree. And he chose to break it. I don’t think I need to explain why he broke it. You answer it….


The Seizure Visit – Uninvited

ImageThe blasted Seizures had to revisit me yesterday. Not bad, due to the Prozac numbing the panic attacks that are due to the auras. It’s like this. The aura’s come, I feel them, I panic, and that panic drowns my thoughts and a seizure is born! LOL. You actually need meds for all the symptoms, for which I didn’t know until my doc upped the Prozac dosage last month. Now, when the auras come, the panic attacks don’t drown my thoughts –oh but they TRY- and suddenly I’m left with something new; dizziness instead of a big seizure. Last night I found myself waking to a tiny, tiny seizure, and I was like, “You son of a b… don’t you even think about showing yourself!!”

If only doctors would listen closely like they used to years ago. My good doctor at Children’s Memorial used to jot down everything I said about my seizures so he could better understand the mysterious appearance and disappearance of them. So here’s what I found.

 For Seizures – Get meds for them.

 For Auras – Get Prozac for them. Not for the auras, but the panic that immediately follows. It’s those blasted auras that causes the most damage to our psyche. Why? No Auras, no seizures or at least a good chance for none.

I found that right before the weather makes a drastic change, I get them! Yes, my head is a weather barometer. LOL. Or, when something wonderful is about to happen. But mostly the weather. Try telling that to your doctor. LOL.

Sometimes –meaning often in my language- when I walk under a light, it flickers!! I told my doctor that. I said, “Listen, I’m not crazy, my family could verify it. What the hell am I, fricken ‘Powder’?” But as always, when they hear the peculiar, they rule it off as “paranoia”.

The moral? Go with the flow. Remember that just because you go through the same cycle of illness for years, doesn’t mean it will be like that forever. I never thought that my ‘auras’ would change for the better like they did. Oh, and if strange things happen around you when it comes to electricity, my seizure friends, it most likely isn’t paranoia. Yes, most likely they are really happening because of your beautiful mind. Just don’t tell it to your doctor. They aren’t scientists. Instead, write it down.