Last Tuesday, an experiment gone awry killed three scientists and caused catastrophic damage to the planet’s largest super-collider, known as project CERN, a nefarious coalition of politically controlled scientists eager to subvert scientific achievements in the name of furthering ominous ventures that threaten humanity.
Dr. Ravi Mutnaj, a New Delhi based physicist formerly attached to CERN, said the incident occurred when scientists tried to enhance the collider’s magnetic coils by adding an additional eighteen hundred super magnets to the existing ninety-six hundred. The combined pull of the magnets, in conjunction with nine thousand filaments of magnetized cable, generate a force over 100,000 times more powerful than the gravitational pull of Earth. Dr. Mutnaj said the accident occurred as the scientists attempted to create an interdiminsial gateway—or portal—to a parallel universe. As protons fired across a seventeen-mile circular track six hundred feet beneath the ground, he said, temperatures rose to unprecedented levels, which caused a cascading system failure and a detonation that instantly obliterated a five mile stretch of the track and incinerated the trio of scientists working on the project.
“There was massive damage to the hadron collider,” Dr. Mutnaj said. “For now, CERN is effectively shut down. From what I hear, it will take at least seven months to repair the damaged section. These people are devious and despite the loss of life, humanity is better off with CERN offline. To create their portal, they wanted to accelerate and collide three beams of ions.”
The portal, he added, opened shortly before temperatures approaching 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit vaporized the scientists and part of the facility. The masterminds behind CERN believe portals are necessary in case Earth becomes uninhabitable; the gateways would provide a means of egress—and escape route—to a parallel world free of disease, famine, and suffering. But previous attempts to open portals, Dr. Mutnaj said, had the opposite effect—manifesting entry points to worlds filled with nightmash creatures or producing artificial singularities that could potentially annihilate life on Earth.
“It’s all about power. They felt by increasing the collider’s power they’d have a better chance of attenuating the opening to a desirable location. It backfired. They claim they’re doing this to save humanity but they are interested only in saving themselves and the elite. Even if they achieved their goal, average everyday people would not be welcome in whatever inhabitable world they discover. This setback gives us more time to find a way to counter their devious plans. I’m happy the explosion happened.” [btnsx id=”5955″]
“Yet other sites deny this…. One is…”
This week has been another of those strange weeks for news, and at the top of list flooding my inbox was the story of an explosion at CERN’s hadron collider. One thing struck me about the story: there was no mention, anywhere, of any explosion in any lamestream corporate controlled media. In today’s cynical day and age, this in itself would not, sadly, be enough to argue that the explosion story is a hoax. But this, perhaps, would:
As this article points out, the videos in question circulating with the story appear to be from 2014. And then there’s this telltale list of genuine problems with the story:
None of it is true and the events described in the story did not happen. The introduction of the article gets several basic facts wrong:
- There is no “project CERN”. CERN stands for “Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire” which translates to “European Council for Nuclear Research”. It does operate the largest particle collider in the world, but that is known as the Large Hadron Collider.
- The Large Hadron Collider sits between 50 and 150 metres underground(about 150 to 450 feet), not 600 feet.
- There is no “Dr. Ravi Mutnaj”. We found no online references to this name outside copies of the SomeonesBones story. A search on Google Scholarfor his name turns up nothing. Any serious scientist working at a prestigious institution like CERN would show up there.
- A real scientist would never write “interdiminsial”.
There have been no mentions of any seismic activity in Switzerland on March 6th near the location of CERN (just above Geneva/Genève) according to this map from the Swiss Seismological Service: (Emphasis added)
So there it is: I have to number myself in the “this is a hoax” column.
So why am I bothering to blog about a story that is apparently not true?
To put it simply, when I searched for “CERN explosion”, not only did the above article pop up in the results, so did this one from the UK’s Guardian:
Notably, there’s no dateline here for the article and its thought-provoking picture, but apparently it can be dated to that period after the Large Hadron Collider was powered up for the first time, and then immediately shut down, having suffered an “accident” which, at the time, we were told was due to some sort of tear in the cooling mechanisms for the giant magnets powering the collider. Here’s what the article states:
Cern has made available a full technical report on the incident, which was caused by a short circuit that burned a hole in a vessel containing liquid helium. The resulting explosion caused enough damage to put the machine out of action until at least July next year.
For Cern this is clearly a major, not to say expensive, accident. But no one said it was going to be easy getting this machine up and running.
It all makes for an even more tense endgame in the hunt for the Higgs boson. Cern’s Large Hadron Collider is often trumpeted as the machine that will finally discover the elusive beast, but on the other side of the Atlantic, the scientists at Fermilab’s Tevatron are working like mad to find it first. I wonder what the bookies’ odds are? [btnsx id=”5955″]