My Hand


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Change – Be You Or A Puppet


Change. It’s soImagemething that has two different methods, one that is right and the other that is wrong. The one that is correct is a person who wants to change. The one that is wrong is a person who is in a situation where another wants them to change. This method only brings sadness. You begin to lose yourself, who you are, and live your life like a puppet.

For instance, I have five + managers that all think their words are right. They believe that everything they tell me, from how to lead to how to write up is the correct way. One tells me to be loud and firm with the employees, the other tells me to be calm, another tells me to win them over while another tells me to get rid of the troublemakers. One tells me to write them up, the other tells me I can’t write them up. What????? Hence, ‘puppet’.

It’s really hard to have a voice where so many other voices think theirs is correct. I’m going to start to be me again. “Me” leads by example, is kind, generous and caring and if upper management doesn’t agree, then I’ll just tell them “until you get on the same page, this is how I’m going to be!”

They even bother me on my lunch and breaks. So I’m making a change ‘today’. No more ‘puppet’, no more ‘working for free’ and no more ‘listening to one while the other says something completely opposite. I realized that they are the ones with the problems, not me. If they want to speak because they enjoy hearing their own voice, then fine by me, but I am cutting the strings. Puppet no more….

The “I AM” Trick – The Law of Attraction


 

 

ImageSaying, “I am happy” while mixing “I want to be happy” on and off works! The Prozac seems to help somewhat, but that chant of words is a breakthrough for me. The “I am” really punched the crap out of outside demons.

The “I am” placed a protective shield around me that bounced off anything negative, and believe me, they were trying to penetrate it. Example:

Yesterday at work was complete hell!!! But I still chanted and still maintained joy. Then, toward the end of the shift, I was actually confronted by other workers saying complaints to me from other shifts. Never happened before. I still maintained the chant, so I guess the negative demons tried jumping in my boss, and then she confronted me, and she too turned into a negative force and tried to upset me by turning something small and hypocritical into something huge. Never happened before. That caused a tiny bit of sadness, but the joy was still maintained.

And now, I feel happy. Oh, and I also chanted “I am filled with joy.” Yesterday proved to me that there might be intelligent, negative things out there that try and keep someone in a state of sadness or worry. And it pisses them off if you beat them at their own game. Even at night when I was about to go to bed, I heard noises in my hallway and bedroom that at first scared me, but I still chanted, and went to sleep happy. Hmm.

Maybe that’s the key. All the books I read about the law off attraction and more, always added to say, “I want”, instead of “I need.” Or “I desire” instead of “I need.” One book actually said the “I am” but it was very short and they ruined it because they went on afterward on how it’s like lying to yourself. No, it’s not!!

When I said, “I am”, it showed its power to me rather quickly. I got the idea a little bit from the story of how God said, “I am what I am.”

“I am happy because I choose to be.”

I know it’s not from the Prozac either because I’ve been on that stuff for a few years for panic attacks.

Maybe we’re on to something here. We are on to something here!! Something great and wonderful, something that instead of saying, “I hope it maintains forever, “I’ll say, “It will maintain forever, because I choose it to be.” Baby steps. It’s like I’m slowly remembering what it was like to be happy when I was a child. Carefree, no worries, waiting for the sun to rise, etc.

What the moral here? I’m not ready to say the moral because it’s too soon. Yet, a tiny bit of the moral is choose to be happy and chant it, no matter what negative forces try to break that mentality. I just hope it will build and build till I’m not afraid anymore of quitting that job from hell. But that’s another story.

A Bit About The LAW OF ATTRACTION


I get it, okay. Scientists are able to measure ‘thoughts’, hence ‘thoughts’ are powerful, they can move mountains, they can do whatever the hell these people who write these books say they can do. I read them all, believe me, I spent money which in turn made them rich, which in turn I read and became even more confused about a subject that used to be simple when I was fricken 7 years old. Stop inventing new ways to say ‘the law of attraction’!!! I admit, I still do practice the law, trying to think positive, but it doesn’t work if you believe you are without. Example, I say, everyday, that “I want to be happy”, “I want to have a wonderful day today”, or I even “Want to have more money” just for the hell of it, but if you believe deep inside that you already have a lack of these examples, IT WON’T WORK!! Why? I experienced it, oh and I read about it in the 10 or so God darn books that explained about the subject. What they really need to do is stop explaining what the law is and start explaining ways to make the law work with you. Ways to really kick the crap out of the universe when it comes to you ORDERING WHAT YOU WANT FROM IT.

Before I read these books I prayed a lot. I was happy with that. It was my way of meditating before I went to bed. But these books took that, shredded it, and handed it back to me saying “Okay, you have to piece them back together again.”Say what?

Happiness exists. I know that. But when life hands you situations, you have 16 hours on your days off and only 3 hours on working days, to figure out what the hell to do to change it. The law works, granted, I know it works, but these saps who write on this subject, not all but many, have to start getting dirty and find that way of removing that blockage which prevents the law from working. AND THAT DOESN’T MEAN THINKING ABOUT PRETTY THOUGHTS AGAIN. You already covered that. Stop confusing us! Rather help us, if you want to truly write on this subject. The money will follow. But put your intentions on helping first, not on how big you want that royalty check to be.

I admit, through prayer and the law, it brought me to my balcony. A home with a nice balcony is what I imagined, wanted, said and prayed for. And then I received. But God was also included in that factor. And when I had my first book published when I was what, 18 years old, I didn’t even know about the law, it was based on prayer and surprise. I mean, I was too young to know. Hell I’m still young and in a matter of a little time, these writers were able to take ‘prayer’ and confuse the hell out of it.

Just be happy. Imagine yourself happy, smiling, laughing, and connect to it. That one sentence you just read, some writers on the subject were able to create  150 pages out of it. LOL. God, it’s so true.

My views. We do have the power of thought. But that doesn’t mean we are smart enough to harness it. But we do have that power. Think only positive thoughts. If you are sad, then that’s an alarm that is telling you that a negative thought is projecting itself out of you. When you are happy, that means you are projecting a true, happy want out of you and you will receive it, by theory. It’s nothing new. Maybe I should change it from “I want to be happy” to “I am happy. Hmm. I’ll try it.

The moral: This reminds me of a little spider on the balcony I see every night. LOL. But it does. Every year, the spider grows, and one of its offspring stays behind to build the same type of web in the same spot on the rails of the balcony. The same spot! As it grows, so does the web, getting bigger. And everyday, the web gets destroyed by the wind. As the spider grows up, and the web gets bigger, the spider somehow learns how to make it stronger, so pretty soon, it doesn’t have to make a new web every night. But… it still does make a new web every time it gets destroyed. It doesn’t give up! In the evening, it comes out of the railing and begins to create its web. It doesn’t come out, observe its masterpiece in ruins and swear, and go back in its home. No. It creates a new web, but in a different way.

In contrast to us, everyday is a new day, how corny that may sound. But what comes are way, we should embrace it and continue to learn and build upon our own spirit. And pretty soon, we will be so strong, that nothing can ever break us. Happy thoughts always. Why? Because that’s the only God darn thing that made sense out of all the law of attraction books I have read! Happy thoughts. And build your metaphoric web even stronger today. Learn from yesterday what to avoid. And be happier. If you can’t, at least pretend to be happy, you’ll be surprised what a forced smile can do.

Changing My Mind


 

ImageHealing from the outside in is a challenge that your spirit has to face, to your mind. Meaning, you can’t decide one day that you’re going to heal, you have to be in the moment, have to be on that ‘edge’ that allows your inner being to say “I’m done.” And guess what? “I’m DONE….”

For the past year I took a manager position at my work, not for the pay of course, but for the ability to make a difference in workers’ lives. But since then,m sure I cleaned up the old habits of the employees, but upper management wants me to be ‘mean’ to them so they will ‘obey’ or ‘listen’ to them even on my days off. I am not mean. I was trying to be something that I am not. I hear too many opinions from different upper management on how to be a good manager. One says to be firm, the other says to be loud, another says to win them over; these can’t coexistence together! You’re either fir and they hate you,m or nice, and they like you, but they take advantage of your kindness. Every time I’m strict with an employee to the point of scolding, it hurts me. But I still do it. The only thing I don’t understand is no matter how good or kind of a manager or leader you are, there’s always another upper manager that says you’re leading the wrong way. So I might step down. I’m grateful though that I was a manager for this past year, because I learned more about who I am. Throughout all the fights, arguments, trying to mold the employees to be better at their jobs, not for my sake, but for their job’ sake, I learned that I am a kind person who can’t be changed into a cruel person. AND THAT WAS WHAT WAS SADDENING ME. I was fighting with myself, this whole time, trying to be that as..hole that many uopper managers wanted, a button for which I can easily turn on, but I don’t want to turn it on.

What’s the moral here? Listen to your heart. Really listen. If you do something that causes sadness, than that something you did was not meant for you to do. And it’s okay. I actually forgot, for this past years, that I was a writer! But now, I remember again. Never, ever forget who you are. It will depress you, beat you up, stress you and make you lose yourself. I am a leader, but not their type of leader. That’s the difference. Follow your feelings, a pressure inside of your mind that lurks every time you’re doing something that in truth, you weren’t meant to do. And it’s okay.

Well I have to prepare for the NATO visit today. Packing my bags and I might stay at a motel closer to my work since I’m at ground 0 for the summit. I just want to avoid the traffic, stress and the protestors with negative intentions. I’ll see. If traffic seems good, I’ll simply return home and go on my balcony and enjoy the show.

Before I go


I still haven’t decided what days to write for this blog. I just wanted to say that the reasons I began this blog is to help you while you somehow help me. I don’t know if that makes sense, but in my mind that is the only or one of the methods that I can see fit to take on because my shrink just doesn’t get it. I should give my shrink pills to take in order to get me. But… instead I discovered that maybe, jut maybe this blog would make someone inspire me!! As I stare off my Chicago balcony, I wonder how I will be able to get unstuck from where I am now, from where I have been for the last 2 fricken years. Yes, it took me 12 years to get to this point. Save me as I will try to save you. Got to go.